lonely....
just back from a 8 course dinner with family n my dad's buddhist center people.. his 'shifu' came down to 'visit'.. just before leaving home.. i was hit with super bad cramps.. den i felt realli sick.. but i still went.. along the course of the dinner.. many jokes were made.. some i thought was really out of hand but i din say a thing.. religion issues again.. i guess it's better to just shut up n eat the food..
been pms-ing the past few days.. can feel myself getting pissed off for no rhyme no reason.. thank god i din blow up at anione.. but yeah it got me slightly depressed too.. kinda thought back about my r/s with *him.. like all the things we've been thru.. n yeah i do agree dat at times i might be that tad bit oversensitive over 'the same old issue'.. but u cant deny that the reson im feeling this way is coz of the well known saying 'once bitten twice shy'.. im really afraid.. vulnerable.. i dunno.. maybe i do feel lost n alone at times.. but i guess it's more of the uncertainty about what's happening over there rather den anithing else.. sometimes i feel that *he's still unsettled.. just a few days back.. someone left a comment on *his blog.. clearly indicating she tot he's single all along.. so how am i supposed to feel? i really dunno.. i guess he'll be unhappy once i post this up n he reads it but im realli not feeling ok now.. im realli not in the mood to hide things from him.. n i dun intend to..
shall blog bout my happy mambo nite another time.. not now.. not when im feeling depressed n lonely..
long d r/s.. definitely NOT easy.. not when it comes to the point when u dun even noe what the other person is doing on the other side of the world most of the time.. when u fear saying the wrong things coz u might be scolded stupid n useless.. when u cry when u talk to *him n the part when he says those 3 words to u.. coz those 3 words.. throws all the bad thoughts outta my head.. just those 3 simple words means the world to me... and through it all.. despite how im feeling.. i still find myself falling back into *your arms...
one more kiss could be the best thing.. one more lie could be the worst.. in my head there's only you now.. this world falls on me...